Zombie Honeymoon (2005)

Newlyweds Danny (Graham Sibley) and Denise (Tracy Coogan) spend their Honeymoon at the Jersey Shore. The two are madly in love and planning one day to move to Portugal, where surfer Danny hopes to catch some serious waves. While lounging on the beach, Denise notices a strange figure energe from the ocean. The mysterious being attacks Danny, who ends up getting a mouthful of the creature’s black vomit. Rushed to the emergency room, he goes onto cardiac arrest and dies. Denise is devistated, until Danny awakes ten minutes later in seemingly perfect health. After staying in the hospital for observation (during which time, one would assume, somebody would have noticed that his heart wasn’t beating, or that he had no pulse, or the below 80 temperature, but no), the couple return home. Unfortunately, Danny’s hospital roommate has vanished, a nosy police officer has come by to investigate, and the vegetarian Danny has begun craving meat, particularly human flesh…

This was a movie I had caught the end of on cable a while back, with the intention of seeing in full later on, only to forget and end up tracking down on DVD years later. The title would have you believe that the film is a wacky romantic comedy with horror elements; in fact, it’s a romantic drama that deconstructs the Zombie Apocalypse trope by focusing on the elements of an isolated incident. Unlike Night of the Living Dead and other films of it’s ilk, there is no outer chaos, no mass statistic that allows the viewer to write off the deaths of millions as exposition, only the internal destruction of a human life and the future that might have been. Likewise, unlike the classic Romero Zombie, Danny is much closer to the Death Becomes Her living dead, in that he remains sentient and the decomposition happens on a more gradual level, mimicking a terminal illnes, although the cannibalism remains (according to the commentary, director David Gebroe based the film on his brother-in-law Danny, who was killed in a surfing accident just before moving to Portugal, with the zombification representing the stages of grief). There is no hint or clue provided as to why the infection occurs, although one of the benefits of setting your story in Jersey is that any mutation or horrible abomination is pretty much self explanatory.

Aspects of the film need work. The acting, in particular of the supporting characters, is not exactly Oscar worthy, and certain scenes run on longer than they should. Effects-wise, the film manages to do what it can within the limited made-for-cable budget it had to work with. Also, the romance/drama aspect may put off those expecting either straight up horror or comedy, though the audience does come to care enough about the main couple that it doesn’t come off as forced. Altogether, an interesting if somewhat flawed entry in the canon of zombie lore.  Recommended as a stay at home date movie for horrorphiles whose significant others need to be eased into the genre.

Things I learned from Zombie Honeymoon:

  • Zombie drool is black
  • Making plans for a trip is a lot harder when you eat your agent
  • Zombification isn’t sexually transmitted, for some reason
  • St Christopher is the patron of surfers (as long as your wear his medallion, otherwise you’re screwed)

Fausto’s All-Time Favorites

By Steve Rowand

This list comprises my top-ten favorite movies of all time (as of September 2011):

10: Blue Velvet (1986) – David Lynch’s noir thriller is easily one of his most coherent (and that’s saying something) offerings. Yet even in the quaint town of Lumberton, something feels amiss. After returning from college following his father’s heart attack, Jeffrey (Kyle McLachlan) discovers a severed ear lying in a field. With the aid of friend/love interest Sandy (Laura Dern) he manages to track the gruesome find to a roadhouse singer (Isabella Rossellini) and her tormentor (Dennis Hopper), only to discover too late that he’s in over his head.  Lynch manages to contrast two opposing worlds – the bright colors and Reagan-era suburban sprawl of Lumberton, and the deep, dark underbelly that hides just under the surface. Shots, color and performances combine to create an incredible cinematic experience.

9: Naked Lunch (1991) – Canadian director/body horror enthusiast David Cronenberg wisely decided against a literal adaption of William Burrough’s masterwork, a stream-of-consciousness novel depicting vulgarities beyond human comprehension. Instead, he made the film a very loose retelling of Burrough’s own life (including the death of his common-law wife, Joan Vollmer, via a spontaneous game of William Tell) with parts of the novel added in. The end result will have the average movie-goer either scratching their heads or cowering in fear (sometimes both). William Lee (Peter Weller) works as an exterminator, unaided by wife Joan (Judy Davis), who’s been stealing his bug powder for its apparent narcotic properties. After accidentally killing her (or purposely killing her, under the orders of a talking insect, the film’s a little fuzzy on that point), Lee flees to Interzone, where he’s instructed to seek out Dr. Benway (Roy Schieder- yes, that Roy Schieder) by seducing the wife of fellow writer Tom Frost (Ian Holm). Creepy, trippy, and even a little existential, the film certainly earns its place in the Criterion Collection.

8: The Fall (2006) – Director Tarsem Singh’s incredibly epic (and criminally under-appreciated) fairytale sets itself during the golden age of film making. Having been severely injured after an on-set accident, stuntman Roy Walker (Lee Pace, of Pushing Daisies fame) finds himself paralyzed and convalescing in a Los Angeles hospital. He befriends Alexandra (Catinca Untaru), the five-year old daughter of immigrant workers, who broke her arm after falling from a tree. Roy tells her an elaborate adventure tale of a hero, the Black Bandit, and his pursuit of a beautiful princess in the clutches of the evil Governor Odious. However, Roy has ulterior motives in mind, and before long, Alexandra decides the story isn’t safe in his hands and sets about finishing it herself. Visually, the film is beyond stunning, bringing to life the kind of mad dreams that surrealist artists could only hope for. Plot wise, the film may be somewhat lacking, however, the characters are endearing, the story is compelling, and the end result is a feast for the senses.

7: The Silence of the Lambs (1991) – Jonathan Demme’s macabre thriller needs little introduction; its sweeping of the Academy awards and iconic etching into pop culture consciousness should already make it familiar to anyone reading this review. An FBI trainee (Jodi Foster) is sent to interview Hannibal “the Cannibal” Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), an incarcerated serial-murdering psychiatrist, in the hopes of gaining information on a string of gruesome killings. The two play a battle of wits and wills as the killer, known only as Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine), selects his next victim. Foster is a master of subtle acting, and Hopkins compels with the sinister charm of an aristocratic vampire. A true classic of suspense.

6: Amadeus (1984) – Screw historical accuracy. If every “very loosely based on a true story” film could be as entertaining as this, historians everywhere would be told to go f%$# themselves. Milos Forman’s fictionalized version of the life of Mozart shines at every turn, from the acting to the sets, music composition, and beyond brilliant writing. The ultimate revenge tale, the film is narrated by Antonio Salieri (F. Murray Abraham, in one of the most incredible performances ever captured on celluloid) who recounts life in the shadow of his greatest idol/enemy Mozart (Tom Hulce), a gifted but troubled man with an appetite for debauchery. The film beautifully relates Salieri’s internal struggles – with God (who he blames for denying him Mozart’s talent), with “the creature” and with himself. Most impressive is the cinematography, the use of natural light giving one the impression of an oil painting brought to life. An experience not to be missed.

5: Pan’s Labyrinth (2006) – Imagine if the events of “Alice in Wonderland” had occurred within a Nazi death camp, and you get a vague sense of Guillermo Del Toro’s balance between the horrors of war and the power of the imagination. Ofelia (Ivana Baquero), a young girl living in the aftermath of the Spanish civil war, travels with her mother (Ariadna Gil) to live with her stepfather, Captain Vidal (Sergi Lopez), a Falange officer trying to wipe out the last of the rebel resistance.  Seeking to codify her existence with fairy tales, rather than use them as an escape, Ofelia is greeted by a faun, who informs her that she’s the princess of the underworld. In order to prove her claim to royalty, she must perform three tasks before the next full moon, or risk being trapped in the mortal realm. Meanwhile, Mercedes (Maribel Verdu), Vidal’s maid and Ofelia’s only confidant, has been aiding the rebels as a spy. An eerie, enthralling and deeply moving film.

4: To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) – I had long ignored this film, as I had the novel on which its based, for no other reason than having associated it with the kind of garbage I was forced to read in middle school. However, after finally sitting down and giving it a look, I can honestly say that this is the classic American film, the standard by which all others are judged. The story follows Scout (Mary Badham) and Jem (Phillip Alford), a pair of siblings growing up in the depression-era south, whose father Atticus (Gregory Peck) is given the unpleasant task of defending a black man (Brock Peters) accused of rape. As the trial heats up, the children witness firsthand the realities of bigotry and prejudice.  Peck’s performance is amazing. A must see for anyone who considers themselves a fan of the cinema.

3: Spirited Away (2001) – Often referred to as the Japanese Walt Disney (a title he reportedly hates), Hayao Miazakyi’s films have a substance and maturity about them that not even the House of Mouse has even come close to duplicating. Of these, Spirited Away is by far the most celebrated, and deservedly so, having won an academy award (and beating out Disney’s Lilo and Stitch in the process). While moving to a new town, young Chihiro (Daveigh Chase) and her family discover a seemingly abandoned amusement park in the middle of nowhere. Finding a feast laid out at a stall, her parents decide to dig in, only to be transformed into pigs. In order to save them from their curse, Chihiro must make a deal with the greedy witch Yubaba (Suzanne Pleshette) and work in a bath house for the nature spirits. In true Miazakyi style, every frame of this film is a work of art, and all to service the story, a classic and yet totally original Japanese fairytale.

2: A Clockwork Orange (1971) – Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece (that is, one among many) is a work that straddles the line between exploitation, art house and science fiction, and yet still managed to nab an Oscar. Taking place in a not-too distant dystopian future, the film follows Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell), the head of a brutal street gang, who robs, rips and rapes innocent citizens with glee. However, after finally being brought to justice, he ends up the willing guinea pig of a brain-washing treatment that dampens his capacity for violence…but also robs him of his free will. Horrified as we are of Alex’s crimes, we are equally disturbed by the ‘cure’ and its aftermath, and left to wonder whether the ends justify the means.

1: Suspiria (1977) – Pretty much anyone who really knows me could have guessed right off the bat that this would be very high on the list, if not number one. Granted, the film tends to be extremely polarizing, even among fans of the Italian horror genre from which it springs; you either get it and love it, or you don’t, in which case you may eventually develop a respect for it, but never really understand it. American student Suzy Banyon (Jessica Harper) attends a celebrated dance academy in Frieburg, Germany, arriving the night of a gruesome murder. As the killings continue, Banyon begins to suspect that the Directoress, Madame Blanc (Joan Bennett, of Dark Shadows fame) and the mysterious, unseen headmistress may be behind it all. The perfect hybrid of fairytale and nightmare, the film was printed using the 3-strip Technicolor process, which provided a vivid color scheme echoing the likes of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937). Together with the score by prog-rock band Goblin, a twisted lullaby as played on a toy keyboard, the film is a study in sensory excess, as artistic as it is horiffic.